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Reality: How men deal with heartbreak

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Commonly, men who say they are heartbroken by their love companions are considered weak and looked down upon by society members.

In that regard, no man is willing to come to terms with the reality of heartbreak. They, instead, seek unconventional ways of dealing with their go-wrong affection.

Society’s expectation denies men the aspect of acknowledging heartbreak and rejection.

We all know this common phrase. ‘How can I cry over a lady while there are many of them out there’.

By this time the woman has cried enough, healed and is ready to move on.

You should have seen married men communicating with their ex several years down the line and the reason is they haven’t fully recovered and moved on, they miss that moment.

Society expectations

Shatta Bway, a radio presenter, believes that society’s expectation denies men the aspect of acknowledging heartbreak and rejection.

“No one will ever give you time to acknowledge the fact that you can be heartbroken. Your fellow men will laugh at you if you tell them you are heartbroken and ladies will think you are weak”, he says.

He adds that menfolk will be forced to deal with the heartbreak in their own unique ways.

Read more: Reasons men reject their women’s pregnancy

Unlike women, men don’t cry with fellow men to relieve the pain of heartbreak.

As Roberta Omondi, content creator, argues, society’s technicality coerced men to escape from rejection using unhealthy ways.

“We are going towards becoming more mechanical and technical. We don’t take time to feel our feelings and experience what we are going through”, she says.

Not acknowledging heartbreak is horrible and denies menfolk healing. Heartbreak is an emotional challenge for both genders and ignoring a problem isn’t a solution either.

The support system in place

Fortunately, for women, accepting heartbreak is easy because, as Shazmeen Bank, a relationship Coach notes, women have a society and community support system which favors the healing process.

“When women have heartbreaks they have a group of women – a support system that they can cry out to. Men tend to rush into the pub, try alcohol and this is the first way they will with it”, she states.

By the way, heartbreak is just like physical sickness or pain and it requires time to heal. Acceptance is the first way of fastening recovery.

Some men go around with a bunch of other women thinking that heartbreak will go. The mentality of confusing yourself that all is well. That is one of the ways menfolk handle heartbreaks.

The other way is deleting all memories of their partner such as messages, photos, contacts and unfriending them in social media accounts.

Shazmeen says the man ignores the pain the moment he finds himself doing so.

As CJ Atem, Life Coach, debates men are detached emotionally even from the beginning, unlike women.

“Women grow up looking towards having a stable and healthy relationship. Boys, stumble into relationships because of their physical needs”, he says.

Steps in dealing with heartbreaks

The first step is understanding why you broke up – was the relationship toxic or did you do it by mistake? The latter can be corrected.

The second step is getting to understand your emotions – are you missing her companionship or not? Look at the past situation and ponder how it will be if you move on.

The other step is talking to someone for help. In most cases, men converse with women on such matters. From these, a person will be in a better decision to move on or start over.

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Another aspect is, how fast you move on will affect the next relationship. Coming from depression, agony and bleeding heart will impact the incoming partner. Will it be fair to move on swiftly?

Furthermore, willingness to learn from life experience enhances heartbreak recovery.

Whatever method can work for you in the healing process be it checking on a therapist, concentrating on hobbies or sharing pain with people, ensure the problem gets treated.

Unhealthy options that delay the healing process include:
  • Frequenting the bar – alcoholism won’t solve the issues.
  • Hasty decision-making by moving on so quickly.
  • Surrounding yourself with a bunch of women as a way of feeling better.
  • Losing hope in life is bad, remember it is you suffering in silence.
Healthy options that improve the healing process include:
  • Talk to people – professionals, friends, relatives. Seek help through them.
  • Speak to people with a similar or worse case of rejection – you will learn from their experience.
  • Accept pain and rejection – tell yourself you got a real problem.
  • Decide passionately whether or not to move on from the current relationship.
  • Befriend good people with a positive attitude towards life in general.
  • Take a bath, dress nicely and smell good – improves self-confidence.
  • Love yourself, take care and eat good food – heal your soul fast before anything else.