Nairobi is a big city full of opportunities and honest people but also deceitful people in equal measure.
My friend Sylvia argues that this is the worst city to look for love as everyone here is lying, I disagree but completely understand her frustrations.
We may disagree but have common concerns that are shared and I break them down below.
These lies can and will eventually destroy your relationship. This does not necessarily mean that the relationship will end, it could go on but with lessened trust.
Lying about your status
Oh this is way too familiar, a married/committed man actively chasing other women and when caught, the first thing they say is ‘oh I am divorcing my wife, oh we live separately’ and all the lies around that.
Read more: The 4 cycles of toxic relationships
This is very common and sounds ridiculous.
Picture this, you go out with your girlfriends, get your drinks and have a good time, this handsome man makes his move and you exchange pleasantries and call it a night.
He pursues you thoroughly and you eventually decide to give him a chance. A month or more down the line you receive a call from a scorned lover warning you to stay away from her man.
First, you get confused trying to figure out who the married man is. You find out and you are confused, embarrassed, shocked! To say the least.
You call your supposed boyfriend for clarity and he drops the bombshell on you that he is married but divorcing and the process is taking long.
He still wants to string you along though, this needs to stop and If you hear this kind of excuse, save yourself the stress and run.
Lying about your intentions
As an adult, it is important to be aware and communicate what your intentions are and this is in all sectors of our lives.
Adults get into relationships for various reasons such as friendship, love, financial assistance, etc.
Now if you are seeking only a friendship it is important to align yourself with someone who wants the same for him/herself.
A lot of disappointments come from uncommunicated expectations that would be avoided right from the start.
Relationship experts say that this is the biggest cause of arguments and divorce eventually. We are born differently; I may choose to be open about my finances but my partner does not like that.
One may also reveal wrong information about this, this includes debt, wealth, or investments. If the end goal is to have a future with your partner this conversation is inevitable, a difficult one but very much necessary.
It is normal for people to get excited about sex at the beginning of every relationship and get bored as time goes by.
First, I cannot stress enough about the importance of getting tested for sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV/AIDS, etc.
This also includes having talks about reproductive health i.e. if you need children and how many.
Reproductive conditions where one is unable to have children need to be discussed, most people keep this a secret. And hey, being completely honest helps couples enjoy life more.
Poor or lack of communication
I often read that men are not good with clues and hints here and there; you have to say what you want directly.
If marriage is your expectation, say it clearly and stop taking him around jewelry shops expecting him to buy you a ring because he won’t get the point.
And a lot of times, the message is not the problem it is how it was communicated.