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Children: Consequence of parental separation and divorce

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Divorce isn’t just the person, its everything that goes with it, your kids, the adjustment, everything ~ Peter Andre

Divorcing couples should provide all the necessary information to their children: Photo / Courtesy

Divorce is the willing legal separation by couples attributed mostly to endless misapprehension or domestic complications.

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Too much of everything is poisonous, going by this say, divorce is a better option in some instances where family domestic exceeds limit.

Unfortunately, some couples quarrel and physically harm one another in front of their kids. This is pathetic! I will advise you to squabble in their absence.

What are you teaching the innocent lives when you are exchanging kicks and blows in their very own eyes?

African setting

African parents have been known to disregard telling their children about divorce unless the children have come of age.

In such scenario, child’s voice and decision is misplaced. Reports say that children between age 10 and 12 years, who have least input, majorly suffer when their parents go separate ways.

Related: Why you should encourage your children to speak mother tongue

Sudden separation of father and mother will cost a lot for the child who assume his parents are the best. Remember, in schools, children proudly talk of their parents and how lovely they are.

Divorcing couples should provide all the necessary information to their children.

They ought to know their new home, which school they will be attending, if their sisters and brothers will remain or go along with them and if they can see their father or mother. Doing this will lessen the psychological damage they go through.

Impact on children

Children whose parents separate may likely exhibit unusual behaviour towards the society – family, friends, relative, and school mates among other community members.

At least they should be in a position to comprehend the situation surrounding the divorce.

Commonly couples fight over their children’s custody.  Unfortunately, due to the divorce, brothers and sisters will be forced to separate.

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They won’t see each other like before and may end up taking grudges against either of the parent or even both.

Boys vs. girls

We know boys most get attached to their fathers, in fact we can say they are their role models.

Taking back in time, one of my former school principal used to say that men die faster than women because they keep their pain while females will cry out loud, relieving the agony.

A girl will just shed tears and feels better. The boy child will carry forward the pain and this affects him in raising a family in future.

It brings about disunity, disrespect and hatred when kids grow up maturely. If their questions are not addressed well and parents blame each other for the divorce, the children won’t be there for each other.

In fact, no one will be willing to help their sister or brother. Ultimately, every child will live a separate life.

Sometimes couples don’t participate in their divorce but close family members; aunts, uncle do. If family members aren’t informed, children will likely be left out of care.

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On the contrary, if the kids found out concerned relatives, at the end of the tunnel, they will have a comfort zone and relative to return to.

Advice

Parents must be careful if they have children. Hurry has no blessing, shoulder the pain for the sake of your children. Think about them and for them.

Children shouldn’t feel the divorce is based on hatred and enmity. Instead show them some love at the eve of divorce or separation lest they hate each other and you as the parent.

Children are different and love their parents differently. Every child must be given ample time to visit his or her mother or father after divorce.

It happens that some mothers decline their children from seeing their father once she is divorced. This is very wrong.

Furthermore, it is essential to give counseling to children who are affected by their parents’ divorce. In the long run, they will get the situation.

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2 COMMENTS

  1. Divorce for educated people is still pretty low. The chance of a marriage ending in divorce was lower for people with more education, with over half of marriages of those who did not complete high school having ended in divorce. Second, divorce is not the key point. Marriage rates are the key factor to watch. They are falling slowly. Esp watch the generation now 18-23. The majority of people still manage to get married and stay married. This post says exactly that.

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